Afternoon shenanigans

Dad had a good time with his friend. I got to catch up with my friend and soon to be tenant. I'm so thankful he was able to put up the curtain rod with curtains for me so I can have some privacy at night! We got a lot done as far as knowing what to leave in the house. I took Dad to Uhaul to purchase some boxes that we are using to "keep- send to my house" and "Sell - at the antique store or give away". 

He was gung-ho in the beginning saying that a lot of things were to give away but then decided that give away also meant to sell, so I divided things up into types : Books, DVD, VHS, & CDs. One for keeping (in the foyer) and sell (in the living room). We also have a lot of paintings and art to sell. Tomorrow we will go to the Antique store where he sells his items and see how much it would cost us to get additional space for those things. 

Unfortunately, I lost my cool during the 10th consecutive conversation about renting his condo and the limit of space in my home, that I yelled at him about how he made me leave work to move him back home, to then just stay with his friend about 2 hours away. He apologized to me - "I didn't know I did that. That wasn't right. I'm sorry."  I felt bad but it was nice to hear because before then,  he was saying he didn't make moving back into his place sound like an emergency and then not stay in his home and "moved" in with his friend. Then abruptly moved in with me in November. He said jump and we did. Now he is being honest that he doesn't remember getting into the debt he is in. I'm working diligently to get his finances in order and his estate. As of now, if he died today, I would personally have to pay off his debt. He doesn't have enough assets to cover it. 

I'm hoping we get more done tomorrow in smaller bursts. He was exhausted, so we ordered dinner in and it will probably be an early night. I will do my best to be quiet upstairs in the master bedroom but I'd like to to go through what I can in his closet since I can have the light on and have privacy. 

We are currently fed, and relaxing. All that's left is to shower before bed and start going through the master bedroom and bathroom. I'm worried that I may have set an unattainable goal of heading home by the 14th. Either way, my husband and I know we need to get this taken care of before March so we will figure it out and make it work.  

Nice memories: while G was here my Dad shared history about my grandfather (his dad) being on a carrier in WW2 and that he had a plumbing business and some of the things he did working for his dad. 

Getting lunch at Wendy's and laughing that he didn't hear me order his cheeseburger. Watching the news and 8 cycles in he's still surprised about fluoride being removed from the local water and that Trump is president again. My mom came over to check on us before heading to Urgent Care to find out if she caught the flu from my nephew. Then we ordered delivery for dinner and I talked with my husband for an hour and we laughed about our days and the kids crazy and work crazies. 

Tomorrow will hopefully be smoother. We will get another dvd player so he can watch some DVDs he wants to sell before we head back to my home. We will leave it for G and his kids and then go from there. 

Tell your loved ones you love them, your friends how much you value them, and remind yourself that anything contemplating after 9pm is bullshit and let it go until the morning and reach out to those who love you. In the morning. If you share your struggles with people who  you know deep in your core match your energy or wish you well, will make you feel providence and peace. 
Generosity is always awarded but generosity without the guarantee of reward is the most generous. The paradox of generosity:: https://www.quora.com/Why-am-I-so-generous-and-caring-when-it-never-gets-returned-Should-I-go-back-to-only-caring-about-me-and-mine

May I meet you in the moment and live lifetimes with you than meet you and never know you in the present. 

Love, Moriah 


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