Update, avoidance, awakenings, and frequency.

It's been a few days since I've written. Feels like so much has happened. The morning wake up with his freaking out about how it's too much stuff and he doesn't want to rent anymore have subsided. Now he he says it's a lot of stuff and asks how many days we have to get it done - 18 - to which he says oh we should be able to do that if we do at least an hour a day. Um, we need to do more than an hour, but ok. Yesterday, he spent the day outside working on the garden , which is not the important part in the scheme of things, and I went through a lot of boxes and dropped stuff off at donations. 

At least now it's mostly asking me who is moving into the house, and how long we have to get the house ready. Keeping him focused has been more difficult lately as the garden calls his name no matter what he adds to it. So I am using it as a reward that he can do that stuff once we spend time going through things.  I refilled his medicine last night and noticed I may need to be the one to give him his medicine again instead of letting him take it on his own in the bathroom. His other obsession is his driver's license being renewed and I have to keep reminding him that he has to get it updated in MD not here. 

I also realized I had reached the end of my rope with stress. I think in the process of that I scared the shit out of my mother because she's never seen me like that. The next day I decided that I'm not going to keep doing things that really aren't supporting me in this time of stress and grief. I am now making time for myself through help of his friends so I get a break and I can do some things that nourish me. I'm drinking more water, listening to high frequency music, meditating, reading my book, listening to my audiobook and watching an anime before bed on my laptop. It's called My Happy Marriage and I am hooked. If you watch it let me know what you think. It makes me miss and appreciate my husband a lot. 

Oh! The thing that has had the most impact recently was when Dean from the Antique store stopped by to point out to my Father what would sell and what wouldn't. Now my Dad is feeling better about donating more things than keeping them in storage to sell, which is fantastic because I want to keep storage to one unit. 

I am enjoying seeing my Dad happy and listening to his surprised Ah-haha! When we finds his treasures she has forgotten about makes me feel warm and happy in my heart and chuckle at the innocence of the moment. It's a reminder to keep a sense of curiosity and awe about things. Makes life feel a bit lighter.  It's a lesson he keeps teaching me as he goes through his things. I hope I never forget it. 

In other news I had a day where I rested, cried a bunch off and on, and just relaxed. I was homesick and working on a plan to take care of myself which I've already gone over. Seriously, if you're a caregiver breaks are necessary. You don't even realize the exhaustion that creeps up on you. I get up a little before 7 am everyday and by 3pm I'm ready to go to bed. I will need to figure out how to incorporate the level of support I am receiving here from his friends that I don't have in MD. 

I still have much to plan such as the Uhaul pod and having Teen Challenge pick up donations. I keep taking things there so my dad doesn't go back through them like he just did and add it to the take to MD pile 🤦🏽‍♀️. I gotta go before he side quests but I wanted to give y'all an update. 

Love,

Moriah 

hibuscus from my father's garden.