Dad's Mind, My Heart

Oh, where to begin?  We got my dad a new phone—a Pixel 9—which is more up-to-date than our 7s. His old phone wouldn't hold a charge, and he was frustrated using it.  He has been saying with his old phone and now the new one, "God, I hate this phone!" every time he uses it. We giggle every time he says it now. It could be that he does not remember his PIN to get on the phone, looks at the endless number of notifications he gets—which we will fix today—or does not remember how to answer the phone.  He is obsessed with answering every phone call he gets and or calling them back, even if it is an unknown number.  I'm torn between helping him do things on the phone or just doing everything for him. I know he is basically a three-year-old memory-wise. That means that he is losing the ability to remember how to do things as he has, as my therapist says, "little pacmen eating up his neurons and connections". I like the visual. My therapist also said that it sounds l...

Yesterday and today have made my Dad very happy. Yesterday, we went to Historic London Town & Gardens. I had wanted to visit it since my children were little, but we never made it there. Yesterday was beautiful but super windy, so we had to wear winter coats. We saw the active archeology and learned a lot about the enslaved/indentured, who comprised most of the population.  We walked through exhibits and most of the gardens. The winds wore us out, and it was past lunchtime, so I searched for a nearby restaurant that had food my Dad would like to eat. We ended up at a pub and enjoyed our Reuben sandwiches and beer. I was exhausted, but Dad was ready to do more!  So, I plotted a route to Lowe's to buy flowers because he wanted to plant some on the deck and at the park. While there, we ran into Randal, who manages all the park upkeep and repairs. Randal does so much for the park and community and is always happy to have volunteers. We talked to him abo...

St. Dymphna, Patron Saint of Alzheimer's Saint Dymphna is considered the patron saint of mental illness but is also known as the patron saint of those with Alzheimer's. The book Patron Saints: Saints for Every Member of Your Family, Every Profession, Every Ailment, Every Emergency, and Even Every Amusement by Thomas J. Craughwell (2011) gives a short account of her story from the seventh century.  Her father became mentally unstable after his wife died. So unstable that he became convinced that his daughter was actually his wife. To escape this attention, she and her chaplain, Gerebernus, left her home in Ireland and fled to Gheel, Belgium. In the end, her father hunted them down and killed them. The remains of St. Dymphna and Gerebus were found in the ninth century. Many people who suffered from mental illness were healed after praying at their tomb. Gheel became a pilgrimage site as well as a place where the mentally ill were treated. In my Google search for more information...

There are many kinds of grief. Below is an image that states the different kinds, however as research continues there seems to be more subsets being added: You may have experienced some of these in your lifetime or known of others who have or are experiencing grief. Grief is not just related to the loss of a person. It can also happen when a person loses a job, switches careers, loses a pet, friendship ,a marriage, relationship, and more.  I had a revelation speaking with my husband last night that I'm grieving many things. Not just the loss of our beloved Henry and Ami, but I'm dealing with Anticipatory grief knowing my Dad's Alzheimer's will only get worse and he will die eventually. I feel like I have also lost faith in some family relationships which hurts. The biggest shocker for me was when I spoke about having to wait to start a career again.  I wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. I spent the majority of my marriage taking care of everyone an...

On social media I shared yesterday something I guess I've become immune to seeing that my kids and husband have not since I'm always with Dad. Below is a picture of our labeled cabinet with plates where the cups should be.  and below, here are some random cups that made it into the plates and bowls cabinet: Here is what I originally posted: "A glimpse into Alzheimer's. My father likes to stay busy and help around the house. We put labels up to make his transition to our home easier last year. Some days the prompts help, others like today, don't. He isn't doing it on purpose or to upset us. He really believes the plates belong there and the glasses where he put them.  I'm more acclimated to scenes like these but the kids are not. I keep reminding them, that he's just trying to be helpful and sometimes the labels don't register in his brain so he does what he thinks is best. I also mention that there is no reason to make a big ...

 Last Sunday, we had lunch with my sister, her wife, and my nephew. I had been apprehensive about attending because of how she spoke to me through text in November of last year. All I had said was that I was disappointed I couldn't count on her for the simplest things when she knew I went to care for our father every month for a week. We have one income for 5 people, and I couldn't work because of how often I had to travel.  I had asked for several months if she and her wife or son could put up the curtains I had already purchased so that the neighbors wouldn't see me naked. Four months later, still no curtains. Then I asked if she could put eyes on the house and let me know what needed to be cleaned since my father was not staying at home but had run away to live with his close friend C., who is fantastic. She didn't because she didn't like the cat my father had at the time. So, all I said was that I was disappointed. I received a reply about how dare I speak to he...

 It's been twelve days since my last update. During that time, a lot took place. Here's the breakdown: Saturday, Feb 15th: It was a self-care day. I woke up and took myself to breakfast at First Watch. Then, I went to the pool with my nephew to rest, read, and get some sun. We had a lot of fun talking about a bunch of things. I enjoy spending time with him and hope to get more time with him this summer.  I surprised my husband with flowers and candy. He's been a blessing through this process, and I have been gone way longer than anticipated.  Well, I got so much sun that I got sunburnt, so I woke up to lots of sunburn annoyance, but my mother brought me some lotion and aloe to put on my skin. Sunday, Feb 16th: This is the day I got to sort through more of my childhood toys and items hidden in my sister's old closet. I shared a few pictures with my husband and spent most of the day pricing items for him to put in his case at Gannon's, the antique store, to sell.  Mo...