It's been a tough few weeks...

 Is it me, or do others feel that people with Alzheimer's have a very frantic and erratic energy to them most of the time? I'm used to my Dad being calm. He was a hypnotherapist at one point, so he could lull you to sleep with his calm voice and energy. Lately, I've seen more emotions like anger or anxiety, which were foreign to me when I used to picture him in my mind growing up. Now, I see more emotions as he struggles daily with his memory. Now, don't get me wrong; emotions are a good thing. They clue you into your inner and outer world. Emotions serve a purpose.

This past week has been challenging. Dad has had more bad days than good. I know it's only Tuesday, New Year's Eve. Still, between last week and this week, it's been baffling to us (me and my husband) as to why his bad days are increasing, especially since he had been stable in previous weeks with a week of maybe two bad days. I notice more times lately when he isn't in our current timeline and saying things like, "It was just the year 2000, right?" His intention could be to point out how fast 25 years could go by, but his comments and questions didn't make me feel like that was the case. Before his diagnosis, my sister would tell me of times when he would talk with her, and he would be speaking about the present, but as it was three or four years ago. I can't imagine being out of time and not knowing when you are must feel like. 

Since learning about his memory impairment, some funny and precious memories have come about. When I would travel to his home in Florida for a week every month or longer if necessary, I would be amazed at how many boxes of cookies he had accumulated! This cookie hoarding has carried over to our house, and I giggle because he asks us daily if we have enough cookies. Yesterday, when my husband joked that we had all the cookies we could ever need, he chuckled and said, "Well, I am the cookie monster." I still laugh just thinking about it. He could out-cookie the Cookie Monster. These moments of humor amidst the challenges of Alzheimer's bring a lightness to our days. 

In addition to this cookie obsession, he must ensure enough wine and beer for at least 2 weeks. In Florida, you can purchase alcohol basically everywhere. It is not so in my state, but you must find a liquor store. That confused the heck out of him when we went shopping. I know that he should not be having alcohol. We are doing our best to give him some normalcy while he acclimates to living with us. Then, when we return from our trip in February, I'll start sneaking in some non-alcoholic options that taste like the real thing. 

Seriously, if you love wine, check out the Fre brand (https://www.frewines.com/) and tell me what you think. I don't get any kickbacks for sharing, so please click away and share with your friends. It is hard to find non-alcoholic options that don't have a ton of sugar or taste awful. We got him hooked one visit on Geralt's Gold from Athletic Brewing Company (http://altheticbrewing.com), and if I can find a version that tastes like that but is around all year, I'll try it again. It took him almost until the end of his visit to say, "Oh! No wonder I wasn't feeling anything". So, those are some options we have and will use when we get the hard things taken care of - like packing up his whole house. 

The erratic and sometimes challenging behaviors of my Dad often leave me feeling the need to reward myself with a drink. I have shared this with my friends on Facebook and am humbled and grateful for the responses I received. It's nice to know that I'm not alone; even if it isn't the best coping method, people understand. I'm sharing my experience in this blog to remind myself and others of the importance of healthy coping mechanisms. I'm aware that my poorly managed ADHD is a factor that has caused more issues than my coping with alcohol, but I digress.

As I'm typing, he has to go to the drugstore. It's like an emergency, but he doesn't know what to do with his pent-up energy despite telling us that he is tired and could nap. Honestly, I think his allergies are how his anxiety presents itself. I'm exhausted from the day. His morning was weird; we had an appointment for one of my kids, then we went shopping at Target, and now he can't seem to relax. He also keeps bringing up getting a rental car so he's not dependent on me to drive him places. That makes me feel like I have to jump to it and take him where he wants when he wants so he doesn't get a car or take one of ours and end up on a Silver Alert. It will be a bad day when they tell him he can't get his driver's license renewed. 

So, I'm back from our excursion to the drugstore, which turned into a drive around the area, culminating with a walk around a neighborhood and then back to the house. I talked with him about anxiety, and he was receptive. He also expressed how appreciative he is of me handling his moods. I'm glad he's aware of the changes in his mood. That makes me feel better when I suggest outlets for him. Despite how emotionally and mentally draining it can be to continually "peaceful parent" myself during the day, I am incredibly thankful for the time I spend with him. He is contentedly reading a magazine while we wait for our NYE feast to arrive. 

Until next time, Happy New Year's, and cherish every moment you have with those you love. 

Moriah

*peaceful parenting is a course I took when I had my babies. It's a method that focuses on regulating your own emotions and responding to your child's behavior in a calm and respectful manner. I highly recommend it even if you don't have kids because learning how to regulate your emotions isn't customarily taught to people of my generation and previous. I'm thankful I have taught my children some skills; hopefully, they will have more fulfilling emotional lives because they know emotions won't kill them. God forbid it's me they care for when I'm older- they will be better equipped to handle it than I was with my Dad. Check it out here: https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/