Snowstorms and Kids' Youtube

 I LOVE Snow! ❆ As a Florida girl, seeing the seasons change and experiencing actual snow were few and far between. I would visit my grandmother in Alabama, and we would get lucky sometimes and see snow flurries. When I was older, I moved to Virginia with my now husband. I was always a little embarrassed at how he enjoyed watching my awe of the leaves changing color and any little snow flurries we had. Today, where I live, there is a snowstorm! I am so happy. The last time we saw snow like this was in 2016. My children were little, and we had driven home after our cousin Gwen's wedding in Michigan. 


Side note: I have THE BEST Neighbors ever! When the older snowstorm happened, they shoveled our driveway and made way for us to get the kids into the house. Then, my husband had to park our van at 7/11 because we couldn't get it to move any further. I felt so loved and appreciative. I still feel that way about my next-door neighbors and their kids. No action on their part is required. They made us feel welcome and are why we will never move. 

Anyway, I love this snow and spending time with my family and Dad. I knew this snowstorm would bring his anxiety up. My dad has spent the majority of his life in Florida. We have reassured him that we are fine and have plenty of food and drinks. We put a fire on and set him up in the living room to watch his beloved news. Sometime during lunch, I don't know when, because I was reading by the fire and sometimes playing my video game on the same side of the room, he ended up on Kids' YouTube. It wasn't until an hour ago that I realized he was watching our youngest child's Kids' YouTube account. He was mesmerized for hours. Somehow, he found the space program stuff and the history behind nuclear weapons. He was so surprised by what he was watching about asteroids that he asked me to watch it with him. So I did. 

I don't know why, but knowing that my father is watching Kids' YouTube gives me all the feels. He started watching it again after I left and decided to write this blog post. It's quiet now, so I'm unsure if that's a good or bad thing. Also, my husband is wonderful, intelligent, and creative. I can't thank him enough for shoveling and using the leaf blower to get snow off our vehicles. He keeps reassuring my father about our safety when my dad looks concerned. 💖

I also started my diet today and have done my best, considering I didn't plan well for a snowstorm, but I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I won't berate myself for not being perfect because I'm no longer that girl. I'm that bitch who knows that I can make a better choice next time, so I will or I won't, and I'll own the choice and move on. I also need to be realistic and find a way to make it work, such as eating real food three times a day to include my father in eating healthier. We have a long trip ahead of us soon where I won't have access to what I have at home, so I want to build a structure that supports me and him. 

Thankfully, today was less with the anxiety than I had expected. My dad's memory has been good, but we shall see how it is tomorrow. This morning, he wanted to walk in his loafers and dress pants to the mailbox across the street. We shut that down, but we can grab the mail once the roads are plowed. 

Does anyone recommend any senior shoes that work well in the snow and ice? If so, please let me know, as we need to start acclimating him to our weather. His uniform is a nice shirt, short-sleeved or long-sleeved, with dress pants and loafers. I bought him sweatpants for the house, but he refused to wear them. A shoe change, I fear, will only be worse than suggesting jeans. 

In other news, I also realized that to care for myself, I will have to do a lot of self-care in my bedroom before I come down for the day. My blood pressure is an issue, and when I took it this morning for an appointment I had at 8:30 a.m. virtually, my dad spoke to me the entire time, asking questions, etc. So, of course, my BP came back high. I owe my doctor another 3 readings, and I think if I do them after taking my medicine and getting ready for the day but before I go downstairs to engage, it will be more favorable. I desperately want to be back on ADHD medicine that helps me not seek dopamine in everything (drinks, people, attention, etc.). I want to be back to my fantastic self before turning 40 and being told I had to change shit because of my blood pressure. 

Guys, my blood pressure has been where it's at since I was in my 20s. Why didn't anyone care then or when I was pre-eclamptic with my boys in pregnancy and induced? My middle child was a premie, so I had none of those problems. Honestly, knowing that all the fucking studies done on bp were on men and hardly (never as far as I am aware currently) on women pisses me off. I don't fit "normal" standardized anything. My BMI will probably be high, regardless of whether I'm mostly muscle or fat. I've done weight training. I'm just over this "average" system that, to be honest, seems to cater to the lowest denominator. I'm so high above it (like the Tal Bachman song: https://youtu.be/_ElORM9O-0U?si=3zdqULq_3D2nm09e) that until I'm given scientific evidence that this "average" is "real," I'm going to do me! 

Validation for my diatribe on studies only done on men 

There is a person who hates my guts and is probably thrilled that I put on weight. They are probably still looking at my page despite being blocked and now reading my blog. The truth is I think of this person and think of the part of my favorite song on repeat - F Myself by Qveen Herby where she says, "While you are focusing on talking shit and bringing me down (bringing me down) I was just thinking 'bout how magical you could be if you (if you) were in your power   (song: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=kpMY6bgRXt0&si=d0AcyObjgI81LKxV ). I hope you find your own power.

So, I'm going to stay in my power no matter what. I know what I'm growing through - caring for a parent with Alzheimer's - is INCREDIBLY hard and life-altering. So, if I'm fatter than I want to be for a while, I don't care. I'm still sexy AF, and I would f-myself. Seriously, it's surprising how many people have expressed how beautiful they find me when I'm feeling ugly (fat) than when I'm skinny. Guess that means Megan Trainor was right - 

"Yeah, my momma, she told me, "Don't worry about your size."

(Shoo-wop, wop, shoo-wop, wop)

She says, "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night."

(That booty, booty, uh, that booty, booty)

You know I won't be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll

(Shoo-wop, wop, shoo-wop, wop)

So, if that's what you're into, then go ahead and move along" - All About That Base (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk)

So, I will continue to find joy in the constant attention-requiring life of a caregiver and love myself without needing anyone else's approval. I have always been a survivor, and nothing has changed. I will survive and bounce back better than before. Stay safe and warm out there! 😘



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